What your class/build tells about you

[Akos1896]

Hey!

Don't take this too seriously.

Retribution Paladin
There's a German word called 'Schadenfreude' which means joy over someone else's misery. A paladin main is the Schadenfreude build. They got used to súcking for so long that suddenly being OP at least at PVP freed up a lot of emotions which were closed behind the wall of being bottom DPS for 20 years elsewhere. They still can't believe they they can kill other targets than critters so every kill they do makes them feel like being on cocaine. They are like the ugly 40 y.o. IT guys who suddenly get a pórn star girlfriend and start to fashion up like pímps. At the darker side, they are still insecure about their feelings, not súcking as retri is a very new experience. Deep down they still don't believe it. So if someone writes a forum post about nerf pala DPS pls, these guys gather as an army and yank out an incredible amount of half-truths and insults to defer the nerf ideas. The build finally feels good, these guys just wanna enjoy it. Maybe it feels a bit too good, though.

Protection Paladin
You know the big brother from kindergarten times, who is 16 y.o., having some tattoos and suddenly appears at the kindergarten playzone when his little brother is being attacked by like 10 underleveled children. Bad prank, took the last chocolete, whatever happened, those kids are angry at the little brother. Then big bro jumps in, roundhouse kicks all the kids in aoe and feels like a hero because lil bro was protected. That's basically a protection paladin. Roundhouse kick has problems against older attackers though. These guys feel weirdly protective about the others - the more targets the better, the smaller those targets, the better. A flock of bloodlusted chihuahuas is the optimal scenario.

Holy Paladin
You like your button. You have selected a button on your keyboard which you really love. Seems nice, positioned perfectly, you feel like a cat being belly-grubbed while pressing that one button. So you quickly get an addon to do the blessings for you and once done, you're ready to play: pressing THE button 4 hours a day. It's just you and the button. Perfect harmony, misunderstood love.

Arms Warrior
During questing you found out that whirlwind axe exists and your brain quickly made the calculation that bigger blade results in more zug. It was the beginning of a love story. Puny one-hander kitchen knife? No likey, take it to kitchen. Big elephant-butchering giga harpoon? Gimme! Some people say that certain arms warriors are compensating with their weapon size. They gameplan is to yeet the big blade at skulls so well that they become PVP kings despite griefed by frost mages all the time. They live in a delusional word of big peni... blades and being relevant.

Fury Warrior
Orc or human. Tauren? No. Go back to character creation screen. Orc or human. High elf? Go back to character creation screen. Orc or human. Night elf? @&@#&@# level a hunter, you moron.
These guys live in a dilemma. 90% of them spends hours reading articles about how to minmax their rotation. They farm for hours to bring 200 golds of consumables for UBRS just to be the top DPS. They would rather commit sudoku than choosing a race without a relevant weapon skill.
Yet the class is all about being a huge muscle boy punching big with two meat-cleavers. You think it's the easy stuff but the real WOW scientists and tryhards go fury warrior to calculate quantum physics rotation while punching with a tmogged rolling pin. The only real WOW scientist who didn't go fury warrior is a cat druid. He's weak.

Protection Warrior
There are two phases of the protection warrior lifestyle. When they are young and naive, they go down the prot talent tree to prepare themselves with all of those defensive utilities against those pesky monsters they will face. Then big realization happens, half of the young prot warriors give up tanking. The other half goes fury or arms and starts enjoying tanking. Protection warriors live in a lie. They are protrayed with big shields, they have a talent tree, they have the role to protect. In reality they just swing 2 enchanted rubber chickens like a madman, shouting like it's an ACDC concert and the wisest of them barely touched prot tree. Just some talents because FUUURYYY. They protect their teammates by looking like a psychopath having a mental breakdown while trying to sing Bon Jovi in front of worried mobs who usually feel pity for them and don't attack the teammates out of empathy.

Balance Druid
These people start their druid journey by watching a David Attenborough series at the age of 6 and really not understanding what an ostrich is. They like the animal though, cool. So when career orientation day comes they end up wanting to become that misrepresentation of an ostrich instead of being a plumber. University comes, facial hair grows real big and like a true ostrich, these people avoid bathrooms. It's a transformation process which is required to become a true boomkin player. Once the transformation is done, you become a nature-enthusiast version of Chewbacca. Hobbies include roaming forests and writing angry posts about low moonkin DPS.

Feral Druid
At least this player recognized the animal correctly in the David Attenborough show. Feral tank usually spends the day watching a Bud Spencer marathon with some beans on his sizeable lap. Either works as a truck driver or wants to be one. Has an advanced conflict resolution mechanic, usually he smacks. These players either play with a tauren or made a mistake. Since tauren models are bigger, picking them means a larger bear áss which can be enjoyed every time you tank. Feral tank players might deny it but they love those bombastic bear bums.
Feral DPS is a weird breed. People told me they exist. They lurk in the shadows and if you're not cautious, they attack you. But even if that happens, you just let the delusional kitty player scratch you for 10 sec then negate all damage with a minor health potion. Cat DPS' main role is to boost the female raider morale by having a kitty in the team.

Restoration Druid
You are THAT guy, right? In the school play when all of the parents gathered in the main hall to watch you midget beings butcher some Shakespeare, you were tree number 3. Your role was to stand there and photosynthesize. Later on you found the Captain Planet show and started to save drawning mosquitoes and petting all kinds of beings. Naive? Hippie? Useless? Nah, you are the future. Buying all natural products, taking a bicycle anywhere and writing a guitar song about cows who refuse to become Big Macs. People don't really understand you but your party healing buff is good, I guess.

Enhancement Shaman
You are the stubborn one. You knew maining enh would súck. People tried to warn you, even Thrall manifested himself in your dream telling you it's no use, man, play ret pala. But you chose enh shaman with the only purpose to cry and sweat during a slow grinding process until level 60. Now you're a level 60 enh shaman, who refuses to heal. Instead of getting raid spots, you spend your time spamming TWOW Forum with articles like enh shaman needs boost and devs please improve stormstrike etc. You fool, devs are pala main.
viewtopic.php?f=48&t=13502
Congrats on using your bloodlust on an actual DPS. At least you contribute to someone else doing some work. At least you have thunderhead. That's cool. Even the elemental shield is so useless on you that you should put it onto someone else.

Elemental shaman
Threat, motherlover, do you manage it? Jules would have asked. Good for PVP, these players like to follow on their pewpew with an insta pewpew and finish the whole thing with another insta pewpew. Perfect for deleting other players. Specially with the new shaman racials. Did you know that if you use the orc shaman racial spirit wolves while PVP-ing as an ele, your opponent will die of laughing when he sees the damage numbers of your otherwordly chihuahuas? Anyway, you picked an elemental, you like to PVP. Sometimes you convince yourself that you can even PVE as an elemental. This often results in angry shítposting in the TWOW forum though, demanding immediate ele shaman buffs. You need around 2 minutes in a raid to understand why you're inferior to a mage.

Restoration Shaman
You wanted to play as a shaman and you also wanted to be useful. You like the indian-hobo spirit guide lifestyle the shaman provides but didn't want to súck at raiding, so you went chain heal spec. Honestly, playing a resto shaman is going autopilot. You have THE totem which hardens the warriors' dingus and you also have the heal which tries its best to actually heal the right targets even if you just shoot it out randomly to fully healed players. You don't like responsibilities. Your totem is always good once it's down. Your heal is even designed to provide some healing even if you are stupid. What's your issue with responsibility, anyway?


might continue later

[R0ck3rhe4d]

Retribution Paladin: Ah, the tale of the retribution paladin, rising from the depths of DPS despair like a phoenix from the ashes of critters past! They're like the IT guy who suddenly lands a pórn star girlfriend and thinks they're the next big thing. But deep down, they're still in shock that they're not bottom DPS anymore. Forum posts about nerfing their newfound power? Cue the army of half-truths and insults! They just want to revel in their newfound glory, even if it feels a bit too good to be true.

Protection Paladin: Picture the protective big brother at the kindergarten, swooping in like a tattooed superhero to save the day. But when it comes to older attackers, the roundhouse kicks might not cut it. These paladins have an affinity for protection, the more targets the better, especially if they're as threatening as a flock of bloodlusted chihuahuas.

Holy Paladin: Imagine finding the perfect button on your keyboard and falling deeply in love with it. That's the relationship a holy paladin has with their heal button. With an addon to handle blessings, it's just them and THE button, in perfect harmony, like a cat getting belly rubs for hours on end.

Arms Warrior: It all started with the whirlwind axe... Suddenly, bigger blades meant more zug, and it was love at first sight. Some say arms warriors are compensating with their weapon size, but they're too busy yeeting those big blades at skulls to care. Delusions of grandeur? Maybe. Relevant in PVP? Absolutely.

Fury Warrior: Orc or human, it's a strict race selection process. No room for Taurens or High Elves here! These warriors spend hours perfecting their rotation and farming gold for consumables, all to be the top DPS. But it's not just about brute strength; it's about the delicate art of quantum physics rotation while wielding oversized weapons. And if you're not a fury warrior? Well, you're just not a real WOW scientist, especially if you're a cat druid. Weak sauce.

Protection Warrior: Ah, the journey of the protection warrior, from naive tank hopeful to madman swinging enchanted rubber chickens. They start with dreams of defensive prowess but end up embracing the fury within, swinging wildly like they're at an ACDC concert. Who needs a full prot talent tree when you've got the power of FURY, right? They may look like they're having a mental breakdown, but hey, at least their teammates are safe... mostly out of pity.