2024 — March 32

[Akalix]

• All mounts have had their models properly updated to Vanilla+ models.

• There is definitely a cow level, go looking for it.

• The Lumbermill has been removed from Arathi Basin to prevent people from "defending" it all match and contributing to 0 HKs. Now all matches will likely result in stalemates. Thanks, guys.

• All Headwear has been given a +15% Coolness buff.

• Fixed an issue where Priests in Shadowform could be seen under direct sunlight.

• Shang has been captured by the lobsters and taken as a hostage.

• After the success of our internal developer Minecraft server, we have started hiding valuable chests behind certain paintings. Just jump at them, you'll find it.

• Tier 1 Paladin gear will soon be updated to look like an avocado rather than a banana.

• In our ongoing effort to protect the endangered wildlife of Azeroth, all critters have been given a minor HP increase.

• In our ongoing effort to endanger the protected wildlife of Azeroth, all critters have been given a .01% chance to drop [Gressil, Dawn of Ruin].

• Torta has used her pile of Shellcoins to bedazzle her own shell. Rumors are abound of price instability.

• /purr. Meow, meowwww, purr :3

• Hunter's Boar pet can now eat literally anything, as they were too picky eaters before.

• A shipment of [Thunderfury, Blessed Blade of the Windseeker]s has gone missing. There are reports that they were stolen by a group of goblins and distributed to certain vendors to sell.

• Dragunovi has been fired. Physically. Out of a canon. He's dead.
  • With his departure, Paladins have been accordingly nerfed and can no deal Holy damage.

• NPC Names have been corrected. Vanilla was like 20 years ago, you must be remembering them wrong.

• Server stability has been increased by 50%, as we have freed the hamsters powering it.
  • Server is now powered by Woji's Bóbr Army.

• Blackwing Lair is now closed, the entire situation was a large misunderstanding.

• The secret frog room's existence will be denied by GMs 5% less often.

• Added Gheor a goth girlfriend. Unfortunately, this item is just an illusion.

• Druids in bear form must now hibernate for a total of 8 months before changing forms again. This does not apply to any druids who have logged out in bear form, who are automatically reverted to their humanoid form.

• Warriors will now generate 50% less rage after attending mandatory therapy for their anger management.

• Warsong Gulch Flags now require players to request permission to take the opposing faction's flag, as previously the gameplay encouraged stealing, which is a crime.

• Bowser has been uninvited from the latest Mario Party installment and will now be heading development on Turtle Party, coming soon to mobile devices.

• Warlocks have lost the ability to cast Fear twice on the same target, as after the first cast, players will learn the Warlock isn't really that scary and will simply be unafraid.

• Druid 'den' locations have been added to reduce the hibernation cooldown from 8 months to 7 months for player convenience.

• The Molten Core is now closed, as it was too soon, Executus. Too soon. It will be reopened in two months.

• Hunter and Warlock pets will now be immediately dismissed upon beginning a duel. It's a 1v1, cowards.

• Due to the vacancy in the Item Design Lead role, Akalix has stepped in temporarily. [Thunderfury, Blessed Blade of the Windseeker] is now Melee Hunter BIS. Trust me.

• All Mages have been given the item [Illusion: Vending Machine]

• Honor gained per battleground has been reduced by 50%. Stranglethorn Vale has been deemed a very safe area for leveling.

• Fixed a bug that allowed players to glitch the druid den, allowing them to hibernate for only 6 months and 28 days.

• Added Volc.ai companion, who can generate an entire unique soundtrack on a 2 day cooldown.

• All GMs have received 5 mandated hours of therapy per week as part of their benefits package.
  • GM Roomba will instead spend that time on a charging station.

• The dwarven frost resistance racial has been rebalanced to more closely match a dwarf's affinity to the cold. From now on all dwarf players gain +200 Frost Resistance while not wearing any armor.

• Rogues can now tank much easier with 50% increased baseline threat generation, as the mob AI will recognize them for being the obnoxious pokey ones.

• Added the Tinker class.

• Sunnyglade Valley now changes name depending on the current weather, such as Cloudyglade Valley and Rainyglade Valley.

• [Programmer Socks] have been mandated as transmog for all members of the development team.

• Warrior's Rage depletion out of combat has been decreased by 95% but reaching 100 Rage now causes the character to have a heart attack, killing them instantly.

• Shamans can now actually communicate with elementals through AI-chat programming technology.

• [Soothing Turtle Bisque] has been removed from the game.

• Any player having learned [Recipe: Soothing Turtle Bisque] have been banned. You monsters.

• Fixed an issue where the "arcane" missiles aimed at the locations of RMTers would misfire and target random GMs instead.

• Players are no-longer PvP flagged by default in Alterac Valley, as it does not align with the PvE gameplay in the area.

• Added the ability for druids to 'bulk up' before hibernation to prevent less winter deaths for hardcore characters

• Alternative Item Sets have been changed to Mandatory Item Sets. All restoration druids are now forced to go Moonkin Form.

• To speed up 2.0's development, we have purchased a small game studio known as Blizzard Entertainment.

• The secret cat mansion does not exist.

• Removed the Tinker class due to needing more tinkering.

• Added a 2004 simulation feature that simulates the FPS and latency of computers and internet connections of the time period. This is applied by default to Hardcore characters.

• Rogue Pickpocket now works as intended by actually stealing currency from other players, and can no longer be used on hostile npcs.

[Domeng]

thank you for the good job~~

[Krotux]

lmao nice one

[Ekoro]

GOT EEEEM

[Wokracing]

nice joke but why eggs in Onyxia's Lair not work

[Raffix]

All Mages have been given the item [Illusion: Vending Machine]

Where is it?

[Calli]

Hahaha, now imagine someone's face who Google translates this, lmao

[Deso5618]

/purr. Meow, meowwww, purr :3 This is what we need.

[Luqj]

Happy fool’s day

[Foobs]

Tier 1 Paladin gear will soon be updated to look like an avocado rather than a banana.

Couldn't stop laughing for a minute.